Ode to A year of 'us'

I have tolled and tilled to no avail

Attempts to amaze, a heart afar

But my love and ache for you is mine

And none other can bear or try

They've failed me, as friends, or fiends?

Yet they, I cannot have to blame

For I know, my heart will not fail me,

Even on days as this

And now to give, I have not much

No gold or silvering offerings

Yet my heart I have, thumping for you

This and a promise of hearts I give

As long as it beats, I pray and will

That only for you and God to stay

proof

so... we argued about proof! to prove a point.

and it went on and on, round and round in circles about things that can be and things that cannot be. My logic a maze to her as hers is to me.

Can I be too fixed? Can one say I believe too hard in what I do believe in that I cannot see things any other way, their way, which is a proof of the level of belief in their way? Is it even a way?

Can the believe in lack of evidence be compared to belief in existence?

What is believing? and HOW do we get to the stage of believing? Where in this journey, does questioning come into being?

Can I believe and still probe? does the belief in a thing give it immunity of scrutiny?

I believe the things I choose not to question. I question the things I choose not to believe. Choose? Can I help myself?

Of lovers gone, she expanded on. Enlightening me of how blessed I am, the blessing being her, I should be thankful for. She fulfills so much in me, I don't want to question it. Yet, if I do, I am sure to find, holes and hill that I can't see around. Did I choose to believe? Choose?

November. It's a year in a few days. :). I am grateful... as she is. That I'm sure of.

this thing called love

....it don't have a name, it don't have a way, it is nothing and yet everything...

awful confusing, at first, then it forms into something beautiful yet nameless... its new and very different from what ever you've heard... yet you know it's name... it can only be love...

and all the songs, the poems, the scripts, bible verses, about it, well, they sorta make sense... not before, it was all bull to me... until i felt it... as I do now.

I love you. I really really do. I can't love you enough, cause as much as I do, I still want to love you more... it is becoming me, the well from which I draw my existence...

structure of thougth

Does it even exist? How far up is it? I am wondering, if one is to actually structure the path thought is supposed to take, without complicating it, can one possibly give it some level of intelligence.. it being the structure?

Thoughts. How does one reach an advanced level of thinking?... Improve on an already existing level of thinking? How does one make a very efficient machine of the mind?

How does one govern the system. Can one control his thoughts? How so? self governing self. Self governed self-governor.

Can one work in abstraction of ones' mind without including a second, third party?

In the process of a damage, how bad can it be before one is incapable of fixing ones' self? self being that body existing around that body of thought... the thought-system being the core.

If one were to reach such level of intelligence and ability of abstraction, can one have parallel instances of the same thought-system existing with varying parameters as one chooses?...

Can the mind be truly computerized?

Kenya: Nairoberry or Nairuby.

Habari!!It's August 4!! and I'm in Nairobi.... today they vote in their new constitution... one that replaces a former that's been in existence since..... ' when? ' :).. and given the way the Kenyans are taking it, it's all a passionate life changing, religious-folks-bowel-jolting, political-opportunities-grabbing process...
The new constitution was drafted, reviewed, and well, about to be passed by the citizens of the country. The 'older' citizens will vote either 'yes' or 'no' on the new constitution. There is a frenzy of 'what will be'?? and I happen to find myself in the midst of it all.

Not that it affects me in anyway... at least not directly.. but this has made my stay in Nairobi, (10 days and counting) interesting. I never run out of what to say to the cab-drivers that takes me to/fro my station of work... and there is always some argument, lobbying, debating, etc... on the available media

...the tension, well, pseudo-tension, (cause I'm not really feeling much of it now) yes, the tension.. the last major voting that took place in Kenya ended in some form of bloody violence, January-2007.... That will keep me sorta locked in my room for the most part of the day... surfing the net, reading a book and following the days' even on the television slate. Peradventure, hunger, boredom or sheer curiosity will drive me out of my room... will see later on.

Anyways,... on the light side, I'm staying in Nairobi central, Fairmont- the Norfolk. Not that I've been in many hotels in my lifetime, but given what I've seen on tv adverts, my stays, visits to friends at hotel rooms, etc, this is nice. I've managed to join the presidents' club for the Fairmont hotel chain and I've been getting a few perks and benefits that are nice. Free internet, complementary fruit bowls, complementary cheese platters, gym-kits and iPod at my request.. hmmm.. plus I get my bed turned before I sleep, room fleeted just a few minutes before or just when I walk in from work, etc... I'm loving it. I currently have the option of choosing a hotel closer to work but I think I've fallen in love with the Norfolk.


And all the bad vibes I got about this place before I came,... well, no as bad at all. The food takes getting used to, especially the ones from outside... and so does the road and driving. I managed to drive for a few days... and I've had no form of Nairuby so far... and I hope it stays that way.

Well, blog, how come the year has gone so quickly? It's already the 4th of August. We're left with about a third of the year. 2010, all gone... all gone. So much to do... so little time... such skinny legs...

impulse

pulse.. inpulse or impulse...
just got myself another random piece of art. I hope it grows in worth. Is this a better gamble than playing the loto...? feels exciting. I missed the other auction of an artist that's actually more popular...
oh well, so I'm seeing the shopaholic side of me. I love shopping for deals, bargains.. online though.. in the comfort of my sit, internet... and auction bids just make the process much more exciting, like another side to bargaining... oh well..
so recently, i got myself an indian-accented antique like coffee table.. market value when new: 2800, I got it for about R800, (shipping and all). and i love it, its a 1.2m by 1.2m


And the art piece.. well, maybe i'll be called stupid, but I like it. will figure out where to place it. It's a self potrait of Victor Ivanoff. Russian migrate to South africa. I'll probably hide it behind my mirror or something..
And that, coupled with uber-sleeping, (slothlike) summarizes my youthday public holiday, a la south africa.

....night to day

day is night and night is day.

Isn't it amazing? No it's not. What should be? Ok, thought is about how the day progresses for me. Morning is never really morning. Rather an extention of the night, for i'm not really awake until the sun is.

As slow as it, the sun, is in its uprising, the dragged feet towards a full noon blosom, I along with, drag as well. However, i beat the sun. I stay up much longer. Probably he tires more easily due to it enormous weight and size... but i go deep into the night.

I'm on through the period of the sun, till it's setting. And then, i'm really awake, after having stolen its strenght. Maybe that weakens it too. I'm awake till midnight.. and moreso, fully then.

Alas, the world will be not so, for time of business is synced with the sun. I'm left with little to do or work with... unless I can change that. Of course I will change that.

365 days

ha, so finally got the S90 canon after about 600 days with no camera.

Will start my 365days (A pic a day) thingy tomorrow. :).

How are you doing? my dear blog, I haven't forgotten you. I have just been preoccupied with other things. Don't ask. You'll fill in the details with time.

Blog doesn't seem to cut it anymore. The value it adds to ones' accountability can't be discounted though.

I will try and update it daily now.

Good evening, world.

hmmm

and I do enjoy talking to her.
It's not a big picture. It's just a nice picture.

..so close no matter how far

and closer yet still, even now.

I've been reading the purpose driven life for over a year now. Actually, over 3 years. I'm drawing to an end. On chapter 37. After this, I'll have 3 more days to finish. I can't help wishing I documented the whole process though. However, it's not too late to start.

For today, the life as a testimony brings out a new light. As a christian, one is required to be a witness. However, the burden, task or responsibilities of such has always been misunderstood. Explained in this chapter in the simple meaning of what a witness is; one is simply required to relay ones experience in life. This in itself bears the testimony, the advocates' job is to argue, not the witness.

The steps to achieving the state of an effective witness (Through the story of your life):

• -Your life before
• -How you realize you needed Jesus
• -How you accepted Jesus
• -your life after accepting Him.

Sounds awful simple. These are the testimonies of your salvation. The process of testifying.

Coupled with this is the life of continual lessons. The importance of writing these down is emphasized. These should contain all life's lessons though, both good and bad. Experiences for others to learn from.

Coupled with the above 2 lifes' messages, are the later 2, the passion given you by God and the good news. The passion is the godly one that's in us already.. Should come naturally. The good news, well, the telling of all the above... to those around us. Our mission field is 'right around us'. That about does it for today's reading.


And as far as life goes, it is well. As complex as it is simple.

april 14, 2010

It's yet another day, another chance for another beginning.

New beginning is old now. New is only new once. Age happens to all.
What's new?

But happenings. Happenings are always new. The moment. The now. Now, that was a will. Happens, and as soon as it comes, becomes old. As fire passes through papyrus, glows red for a moment and turns to ash...

But that glow... is all we have, the rest is a twist of our imaginations, and regrets, hopes and tears... stimulation for so many emotions, and the links, the ropes.. that keeps yesterday as alive as tomorrow.